Bob told his wife that her wedding rings were in a safe place. In reality, they had disappeared – maybe the wife misplaced them or maybe the housekeeper had walked off with them. Sam bought a house without telling his wife. A daughter and mother sold the mother and father’s house without telling the father. They also sold not one but two of the father’s cars. You may be thinking that these folks are a bunch of no good liars until I tell you that their family members have Alzheimer’s. This makes these no good lies instead “love lies,” or “therapeutic lies.” There are very good reasons for these lies. Bob wants to protect his wife from being upset about the disappearance. Sam and his wife had always planned to move to Florida when they retired. When he can no longer care for her, he plans to put her in a facility in Florida and he will move into his new house. Right now he is renting out the house. Having the house gives him hope for his future, not the future he and his wife had planned but a different future. As for the daughter, well that would be me. We made the decision to sell the house and cars because we knew that Dad never would. We also knew that the selling process would cause Dad lots of agitation and distrust. These decisions for all of us were not easy but they were the right ones for us and our loved ones. If you are struggling with a similar situation, know that you are not alone. Know that there are good reasons for these “love lies.” Have compassion for yourself during this difficult time.
If I can support you in any way in your journey with Alzheimer’s, please reach out to me via http://www.Rubycoaching.com.
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